Princess and Warrior
by KSCmemories
Summary: A hardened warrior ordered to guard a princess. A young soul who does not wish a life of royalty. In the harsh winds of life, Natsuki protected her, but now, the young woman must decide for herself what path is right for her. AU. Shizuru: 16 Natsuki: 30
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a collaboration fiction between myself and 2 other people. They do not have accounts, and are merely my real life friends. No guarantees how rapidly the chapters will be posted under the pure assumption that we are all working on it together. I hope you enjoy the first chapter. This is AU. Please read and review.

We don't own Mai HiME.

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><p>Chapter 1<br>Natsuki POV

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><p>Most nights she would come into my room and seek comfort in the gentle sounds of night. I find that I don't mind. I never have, and likely, never will. I feel like I'm the only one she will come to, but it may just be vanity, or selfishness. In this world, she has learned the harsh winds of perfection. I would never fault her even if she had flaws. "Pardon the intrusion." She whispers with a level of serenity that only vaguely shrouds her body. "Are you awake?"<p>

"Yes Princess, I am that." She's entered my room again it seems.  
>"General Natsuki," I hear her sigh, and she calls my name. "What do you see when you look at me?"<br>"What brought that oddity about?" When I look at her...  
>"Please, Just tell me." Her words sound like that of a prayer.<p>

I see a princess looking at me. She's an heir, the throne awaiting her. I know she's woman of immaculate tastes. Her beauty known no bounds. She is gracious, but also stern. Loving, yet spiteful. She warm, although shocking cold outwardly. I look at my room, and I see a place unfitting of a woman like her. I may be her personal guard, but by no means does that make me worthy of a woman such as herself. A woman who owns the very lands she stands on by name sake. What do I see? I could say so much.

I see her loneliness.  
>Her fear of my rejection.<br>Her hands clasped at her sides, clutching the fur lined robe.  
>Tresses of fawn cascading freely down her back.<br>Her lips tightening into a thin line.

"I see a lot of things." I reply nearly silently. Deep crimson eyes find mine. I know that I fear her reaction to my thoughts. I have never laid eyes on such a wonderful woman. Elegant. Sophisticated. Stunning. Beautiful. Gods I could go on forever about her. She's that breathtakingly beautiful. I know I should not allow the impure thoughts in my mind to go any further than my dreams. I know I shouldn't want to show her true power, strength, and a warrior's yell, but something about this woman astounds me.

I'm not some rich bastard looking for a nightly lay. She, is not some concubine for my every whim. I have my honor, she has her royalty. I may have given her my sword and oath, but I have not, and would not giver her my body. It would be most unwise. Getting my head out of the gutter would be a smart idea. She is above me, I should offer my utmost respect. "Is there something I can assist you with, my lady?"

"May I join you on this night, it is rather chilly, and my domicile lacks any companionship." She's trembling. Yes, stone structures are rather empty. "It is not an order." She says almost too quickly. "Plush bedding is nothing without company, and I seek little more than simple warmth." She's alone. A lovely woman who has suffered greatly because of these times. Troubled, Shizuru is without anyone. None but me.

"Princess, if your father found you here it would not bode well for either of us." I say lifting up the blankets around my body.  
>"Please let me stay." I close my eyes, ignoring her request.<br>"It is not that I wish darkened desires." She asks it again. "Please."  
>"What will become of me, if he were too find out?" Do I chance opening my eyes?<p>

"I would say that you have offered me sound protection, and honored my wish." Yes, yes I do. "I would speak highly of the valor you uphold always. You have taken great care of me." Bad idea. "I would speak of your ever nurturing ways, and that I wished, on this night only to act as a child once more." This is a very, very, bad idea. "I am a grown woman now, aren't I?" That she is, I nod accordingly. "Then please, hold me. Protect me like the days I so fondly remember. It is my only wish."

In my arms she seems entrapped by my gaze. I kiss her. No one would ever know how she dominates me with just her eyes. She isn't an overbearing person by nature, but in her simple requests, I comply without any heed. She confidant and powerful. Her hands draw circles that chain me within my own emotions and her body makes me motionless as I find her beauty to be just as intimidating as her intellect. Dare she place a kiss on my lips? Can she even ask more of me as she watches me become paralyzed by her gaze? I don't know why, but tonight it just seems...well, it seems different.

She kisses me as I look into her eyes again. Her eyes tell of a deeper tale.  
>"Take me..." She says.<br>"No." I must reject her and decline her advances.  
>"Please." She begs, a tear falls onto my hand.<br>"Why?" I must know. Does her heart beckon mine?

I am a warrior. It would not due for a tainted person like me to love a a princess such as her.  
>Why must I...<br>Should I...  
>Dare I...<br>Love a woman like her.  
>Princess Shizuru Viola.<p>

I am a lowly warrior commissioned for the sole responsibility of protect the king's only child. From that of a little babe, I held her. On the stormy nights, I sung for her. Often she would find my bed out of fear. Now, as a girl, barely on the cusp of womanhood, she is fated to wed a man and carry the family name. I, the warrior who protected her, nurtured her, and loved her...I am fated with a life of servitude. When the birth of a child small an innocent comes along, my blade will be offered for them. My honor, my dignity, my life.

In the dead of night, I shall protect her, but come the light of morning, will she stay by my side?

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><p>We hope you enjoyed the first chapter.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: We just wanted to thank everyone for all of the encouragement. It is because of your eagerness that we have attempted to get this chapter out as expediently as possible. We hope we can live up to the high expectations that this fiction is likely gaining. Please enjoy the next chapter.

We do not own Mai HiME

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><p>Chapter 2<br>Natsuki POV

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><p>I don't know why I fell in love with her. I think, perhaps, a large part of it was the fact that I'd spent most of my time with Shizuru. At first, it was because she wasn't old enough to be alone. She never left my side as a small babe. She often cried when I placed her into bed. She would whimper on the nights that were plagued by the screams of destruction and battle. I recall some of those nights with great distaste. My white knuckled grip upon the hilt of a butterfly sword was not enough solace for her. Terrified screams sometimes filled the room. My warmth, it could barely hush her on the winter nights. Aside from the wet nurse, I was the only one who pitied the girl.<p>

Like a bird who wants to fly, but simply can't, she called out in frustrated tears as a child. She wished for so much, her dreams were not within her castle life. She was gentle, but also took in everything with measured grace. With great dismay, I learned words could not offer her simple guidance. Tutors and personal attendants saw it fitting that she become perfect. Her life a living hell. From dancing, tea, politics, Shizuru learned it all. Quickly, the princess became ahead of her time. How I wished I could just take her outside the walls. Showing her what real life was like, that was an endeavor so near, and yet so far out of reach. In my mind, she should have been a normal child. A child, much like I had been.

It was with this realization, that I would sneak her out of the castle. I wonder, how many hens have we chased around? How many horses have we taken barebacked through the valleys? In a few years time, will she remember her training with a blade? I hope so. After all, the best protection I could ever gift her, is the ability to protect herself. As she rests here now, I feel the need to move those fawn tresses out of her face. Merely a child. That is all she will ever be. Yet, something within her has changed. Slowly, ever so subtle though the change is, I see the hopes and wishes of a young woman.

Does she...  
>Love me?<br>Need me?  
>Want me?<p>

Should I feel the same for her?  
>These are all questions.<br>I simply don't have much sought answers.

The grayness of my sleeping quarters is being cut through by rays of light. Morning has come, and I have not slept. The sun paints colors of golden hues across the sky. Honestly, It has been so long since I've seen such a beautiful sight. Clouds, although light and fluffy, are not aplenty. Instead, the blue acts a vast ocean, as if waves strike upon the hills and horizon. "It is a wondrous day, isn't it?" I say, although I know she is still sleeping. "Shizuru, you must wake. It is daylight."

"I am." She replies sleepily, not fully aware of what I had said.  
>"Shall prepare some tea?" It will take her a few moments before she is able to be pleasant.<br>"Yes, thank you." It is all the incentive I need.  
>"What would you like to do today?" I ask in passing while readying the water.<p>

A pregnant pause followed my question. "My lady, are you alright?" She was sitting upright, so surely although groggy, she heard me. "Princess, your father will worry. I'm going to send word that you will be at my side today." I tell her before returning to my work. "In light of this freedom, would you like if we had an outing?"

I could hear the rustling of the sheets as she stood from the bed. Her nightgown and robes from last night still covering her body. As if the window held something of interest never seen before, she quietly approached it. "Yes." She breathed almost in awe. "I would very much like if we shared a walk today. Would you be alright with it?" She says that as if her presence is a burden. Does she not understand what great joy I take in her happiness?

"If it so pleases you, I shall indeed accompany you." It is as if those were the right words. "Now then, here is your tea." I say presenting her a wooden cup filled with her drink of choice. "You'll have to pardon the lack of refinery you're accustom with. Sadly even on may wages, I would never be able to afford such expensive items." I myself never cared much for often bitter taste, but I pour myself a cup anyway. It delights her when she shares in the company of others. "I do not have food, so if you would like something, I would suggest that we go into the castle kitchen."

"Could we not simply venture into the market?" I smile at that. Although she has the elegance expected of her, she does not carry the often acquired arrogance that accompanies most royal blood. She acts as if that's the most natural solution in the entirety of the world. I agree, surely if that's what she wants, I have not a single problem with it. We finish our tea in relative silence before parting ways shortly. After dressing and preparing, we begin our rather brisk stroll. Shizuru is a very simple girl. Her fancy is not that of her father or her noble birth.

No, for her, it is quite the polarity. She smiles quietly while leaning into my armored body. I think she enjoys the sounds of cold metal tapping the ground as we walk. "My gloves are quite cool. I know not how you can stand it." I say as I wave at a few old men. Often, retired militants make for some rather exceptional drinking companions. Many of them are friends of mine who served the castle in my younger days. "If I'd known I would be playing a gallant knight, I would have dressed properly." In hopes that my jovial remark pleases her, I make a show of it.

"I know inside that tin can you insists on wearing, there is a kind and gentle soul." She laughs, I know she speaks truth. "Besides, this is not new. I would always do this when I was younger as well." That she did. Constantly, I fell into the role of her prince. She had no playmates, and so, that task fell onto me. Admittedly, I had not a single retort for her wishes. I always found joy in her requests. "Today is lovely, isn't it?"

"Yes, indeed it is, Princess. Why, even the musicians are celebrating. I have not seen a single frown on a face yet." Old men found themselves retelling stories of old homelands, others were occupied. It seems Shizuru has a budding interest for the dancers upon the wooden stage. It comes as no surprise that the men flocked for a good show. This village thrives despite the cold truths beyond the roads and valleys. I wish dearly I could show her the world beyond the sheltered life she had been forced into living. "So, are we on any particular excursion today?" Alas, she will never know what I know.

Dearly, she wishes...  
>To see the stars at night.<br>Fall asleep by a roaring campfire.  
>Explore caves.<br>See the hill tops.  
>Meet new people.<br>Some that are most unlike her.  
>She wants the adventure I could never give her.<p>

"Nay. I merely wished a day for leisure and play." However, if it were not for my sound protection, she would not even be gifted this much.  
>"And a fine time to do so." She battles constantly with her father, and despite his better wishes, she often defies him.<br>"Thank you..." When she does, she hides behind me.  
>"Whatever for?" Her tone confuses me.<br>"For staying by my side, even when no one else ever has."

The sincerity in her words almost concerns me. "Think nothing of it." Today, even if only for this day, peace and love surrounds everyone we see. Shizuru should have that happiness too. I wish only for such a thing. "Shall we go harass the seamstresses perhaps?" I remember well that she has not yet eaten, and I frown for only the briefest second. "Or, we could go seek the items on market." When I am granted the opportunity for some of the village sights, something almost all too fleeting, I relish the joy. I rarely leave her side. Still, I find myself stuck in a quandary.

"Do not be silly. I simply wish to spend my day with you."  
>"Shizuru, you have always been fond of the village."<br>"Yes, Indeed I have."  
>"As a small child, you took a great joy in seeing others. Not much has changed, has it?"<p>

"I was a lonely child, it was all I could do." If only I could understand her ever beating heart. "I envied them. Yes, they lived in cold dreary houses made of brick, wood, and straw, however they has something much more important. Friends, family, and time for play. Oh, how I wished so deeply that I could be like them." Perhaps I am being presumptuous. Yes, surely that is my entire predicament. I must remember my place. "Please Natsuki, tell me more about the places you have traveled." She is kind, but she is not someone I could attain.

"It isn't as if I saw a great many things, Princess. I have only the adventures I've spoken of." If she was laughing at me, or the nature of my response, I grow unsure. However, her smile places comfort within me and I continue my answer. "You must remember, after I finished my apprenticeship, I left in search of a place I could call my home." The patter of the cobblestone pathway reminds me of the old days. "I had once been little more than a farmer's daughter. Back then, I would milk cows and deliver it to the nearby shops. There was a time, not long ago, when war swept through the land like a wildfire. It destroyed all in it's path. Even simple little villages were pillaged by bandits."

"Natsuki..." I almost didn't hear the quivering voice. "May I ask of you a simple question?"  
>"Yes Princess, you surely may." Now I was worried.<br>"Why did you decide to serve my father?" Is that all? No, that must not be it.  
>"At the time it seemed a good idea." I tell her without missing a beat.<p>

"Why face the tides of battle at all..." Shizuru is still very much a mystery in times like this. "Why did you come here? Why protect a child like me. Any common recruit could have done it. You have money, so, why must you stay." That was surely a statement and not a question. "Why add difficulty and insult into my already bleeding injury."

What is this?  
>My Shizuru...<br>What's plaguing you?  
>I wish I knew.<p>

"I've told you this story before."  
>"You have. Surely I know you often leave out details."<br>"A story such as that, has many things unfit for a Princess."  
>"Am I not an adult?"<br>"That you are indeed."

"Yet, I am also still royalty."  
>"However, you are still young, Shizuru."<br>"My age has very little to do with any of this."

Shizuru...  
>What have I done.<br>Undoubtedly, I failed you.  
>I would be lost without you at my side.<br>I should have raised you as the motherless child you were.

"There will come a day soon enough that you will have the path of an adult ahead of you. For now though, you still retain innocence. You still have ideas of what youth is." I wish I could give her my real reasons. Should I state my intentions? It would displease her. No matter what she feels, I have my path, she has hers. When was it, when this girl became more to me. "I made an oath that I would forever stay by your side. It is with my dearest heart, that I shall keep that vow until my dying day." Please do not seek more than that. I know not how I can explain.

"You've had so many." She is pained by the past.  
>"Yes, but those days are over, rightfully so." That much is a truth written upon her emotions if nothing else.<br>"Do not waste it away by hearing stories from a washed up old fogy." It seemed that simple.  
>"You never let me see anything beyond joy and laughter." Is she cornering me?<br>"Sadness is an emotion hidden within me someplace." I answer without any commitment.  
>"Why can't I see it?" It was a quiet demand.<p>

Why must this be so complicated? She will never accept anything I say. "It is because I am youthful that I wish to know." she exclaimed in a harsh whisper. Her fists clenched at her sides. It is a nervous habit. She does it often when she's displeased, saddened, or unduly distressed. "Oh, please Natsuki!" She's begging now. "Is it so wrong that I wish too know this woman before me? Tell me of your travels. You must have seen such great sights, and have likely met many wonderful people. Is it so deplorable that I wish to know you on the same level you know of me?"

"The same level... Shizuru, you know not what you ask..." I fear that is something we will never be. A kimono of the finest silk adorns her body. In contrast, my own body, heavily armored in thick hides and metals outshines my status. Princess of these lands, that is what she is. I am her protector. That's how it should be.

We can never be... Equals.

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><p>We hope you enjoyed our chapter.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: We see that there are many who want too see Natsuki get teased by Shizuru. Sadly, for those of you blush and fluff fans, that likely won't be until later in the fiction. Again, we wish to thank all of the love and support that continues to encourage us to further the fiction. We have some Shizuru POV for this chapter. Please continue to support us.

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><p>Chapter 3<br>Shizuru's POV

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><p>Her smile is something I've always known. Her gentle touch, I learned to depend on. She would hold me. Words of encouragement came freely from her lips. As often as as I would look upon that cold stare, I wondered what she could be thinking. Even as a child, I would follow her. That far away gaze was teaming with sadness. I knew it. In spite of my great despair, I knew she hid those things from me. I could not find a way into her cold soul. Still, the melancholic gentleness Natsuki offered me, gave strength in more ways than I could even begin to explain.<p>

I never had a mother. Not a real one. Surely a woman birthed me from her womb. Truthfully, the woman is a stranger. I've heard only stories of her life. She was a wonderful queen, at least, this is what I've been told. I wish I could have known this woman I'm told I resemble. I can't say I miss her. I've had not the time, nor the energy. Beyond occasional questions, and the small hints of truths I'll never know, it has become impossible for me. I wish not the life I was born into. It is little more for me than a curse.

If it was because of those simple facts, or simply because I lacked any sort of nanny, I won't ever know. Natsuki has always been by my side. At times, I grew angry because of it. In others, clinging with the fear that gripped my heart came easily. Funny though it may seem, my room is still chilly. Lavished, yes it is that. Furnished properly, it fits my role. Still, I would quickly toss it away as if it were a pebble into a bog. My life, as it is now, can simply sink away into utter nothingness. I would not care.

I wonder...  
>When exactly...<br>When did I start...  
>Falling...<br>I guess, all in all, it matters not...

When I was small, Natsuki was there. In my earliest memories, I see a young girl, still just a child herself really, holding me in her arms. I know she's not my mother, but someplace in my small heart, I wished dearly that she would forever act with the kindness a woman like that would have. In my mind, she was all I would ever need. Her hair was always free flowing when casually dressed. In her armor, I became astounded by her beauty. One thick ponytail kept her hair out of her face, and her armor was always freshly polished. I could only dream to become as beautiful as her.

That held even more truth as I grew older. For my age, I am young for a marriage. However, it is quite common. My father has grown with age, and I am his only heir. It is most imperative that I wed as soon as possible. I was born, and raised for this fact alone. Nothing else could possibly matter. My heart still calls out. Oh, how I wish I could be rebellious. Then, perhaps I would be able to speak my mind freely. Yes, that would please me. Why is it that I am so confused? What happened today? Why...

I should have not act so rashly. Among the city streets, I should not have pushed her. Today, unfitting of my role, I think I may have indeed hurt her. Why must I yearn for things I should not attain? Why must my soul call out for her in a way such as this? It was rather unfitting of me, pushing her like that. She is a woman, same as I. She should be entitled, gifted with the ability, Never speaking unless she wishes. I have been raised better than that. Natsuki...

"Now remember Shizuru..."

That's how she would always start.

"Never forget, you too are a woman..."  
>Back then, before I could commit those words into truth.<br>"You need not feel any obligation..."  
>I was still small after all.<br>"You never have to speak, if you do not wish."

Yes, her words back then, comforted my warring heart.

She raised me better than that. With gentle hands, she guides me through life even now. With her large heart, she nurtures me. With her blade, she has fought for me. She would do it again. Under oath, she has offered her life, she has given it away, for one such as me. Sometimes I wish I knew why. Is it because she has no place else she belongs? I ponder that many a night. If that is the case, who am I, for a person such as her?

Her daughter?  
>Her best friend?<br>Merely a job for her wages?  
>It would be a painful admission.<br>I could only hope it would be something more.

I hear a knock at my door...  
>The hour is late.<br>It could only be her.  
>"Come in." I say.<p>

Within a breath, the door opens. There she is, my Natsuki. She is kneeling down, her head lowered. as her deep midnight tresses cast a shadow upon the floor. It masks her face. I abhor the sight of her like that. "I'm sorry, my lady." Natsuki's words are filled with grief. "I know you wish more of my life, but Princess, there is nothing I can offer you. Those stories, they are nothing more than memories that have long since flown away from my grasp." It's only then that she looks at me, standing slowly from the floor she had been kneeling on. "Do you truly wish knowledge on difficult times?" I simply wish I could understand her.

That is what I want. "Yes, please."  
>With hardened eyes of emerald, "If that is your wish, you must give me time."<br>And a stance that refuses ground, "Then I shall wait, for as long as it takes."  
>She commits for her sole duty. "All I could ask for, is your forgiveness."<br>Pleasing me, only me. "You need not ask for such things."

Have I made a mistake? "Unlike what you may think, it was not all joy." Her words are not unlike bleeding wounds. "Shizuru, I could not possibly speak those things. Some of them, they must be seen. Words do them no justice." Willingly, yet not fondly, her past is only a gateway into sadness. "I had been my greatest wish, that I protect you from the harsh truths this world offers." She has demons that darken her soul. I can see that now. Natsuki is slowly opening that door. "However, one day soon, I will tell you everything you wish. Until that day comes, Shizuru, wait for me." Ironically, I am even more in love with her now. I know she is not a perfect creature. If the heavens never show me happiness, I would willingly jump into her eternal hell.

"Natsuki..." I would wait forever.  
>"Yes Princess." Her eyes are stern, her voice though soft.<br>"I do not love Reito." I feel as if I must tell her.  
>"He will protect you, love you, and honor you." She says that, but I feel it is a lie.<p>

"I know that." Still I must agree.  
>"There will never be a better man." He is indeed a wonderful prince.<br>"What if I wish the arms of a woman." But, he is little more than a friend from another kingdom.  
>"That would be a wish that I could not grant." She exists only for her duty.<br>"You know..." I hope she understands what I am trying to say.  
>"As do you." Oh, Natsuki, I do.<p>

That was the nearest thing towards a confession I would ever receive. Her hands held mine as she gazed into my eyes. Her fingers were covered in her plated armor. Still, the cold metal was nothing but soft upon my cheek. Her lips met mine. alas it was not nearly long enough before she pulled away. I don't understand her in the best of times. My heart aches in the worst. "Shizuru..." Her voice sounds tired, lost by the day, drowned by the darkness of night.

"Natsuki, I'm frightened." It is my only truth.  
>"You need not be so." Her words of comfort.<br>"You tell a taller tale than that of my father." They are no longer so.  
>"Everything shall be fine, Shizuru." Although she tries her hardest.<br>"It is not the fate I wish." She feels it is best.  
>"I give you my word, you shall find happiness within your life." She's lying.<br>"You are my happiness." Natsuki is the only one.

"It is at your side that I feel most at ease. I do not want my hand given away as property. I am a human being, I should have voice in such matters, as you always say." Natsuki would always tell me that. "Is it not why you allow me a knife? What I want is not what my father wishes, I understand that, truly I do. Still, my fury will never quell if you allow a man such as he, to claim a woman like me." I should not have allowed such an outburst at the only one who's ever cared for me. Still, my anger can only grow stronger.

How can she not see?  
>Shouldn't she know the truth?<br>I my be a princess, but I would scorn Reito.  
>Not her.<br>Never her.

How could she be unworthy.  
>I do not understand.<br>It could be...  
>That she is lying.<p>

Am I the one...  
>It must be me.<p>

Is it I, who can never be worthy of a soul such as hers?  
>Yes...<br>Surely, I am the one...  
>Who will never be equal.<br>For the one as strong as she.

Natsuki is my protector.  
>Thus, she is my strength.<br>I would be nothing without her.

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><p>We hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter, we meet Reito.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: We got just a little carried away with our lives for a bit, but here we are, back in fan fic land. We hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to our spastic lives and crazy schedules, we came up with a longer chapter than normal, hopefully making up for lost ground. We hope you enjoy it. Please read and review. It will probably be some time until the next update. Our real lives are slightly more pressing right now.

We don't own Mai HiME

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><p>Chapter 4<br>Natsuki POV

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><p>Most mornings start the same. A routine, a way of life, mundane and simple... call it whatever you want. On days when life is normal, that is to say, when Shizuru doesn't find herself somehow huddled in or near my bed at night, the day after always begins the same. Nightly watchmen leave for sleep, and those of the morning wake, dinning in the often sloppy dorms made for us lower lifeforms. We don't exactly live the lap of luxury, but we get what we need. The guards of the city, and of the surrounding castle have no fear of hunger, cold, or illness. Our only fear is that of war, in times of peace, we have very little we must concern ourselves with.<p>

Aside from the occasional rabble found outside, our training becomes dulled without practice. That, however, is an entirely different matter. Misfortune arriving very seldom as a point of interest, I'd call it. My post is not that of any simpleton guard. No, if that was surely the case, than I'd likely find myself in tarnished armor, rotting gloves, and a helmet that reeks of blood and sweat. Thank you, no. I find that fate would be quite unpleasant. Not that I would mind a little hard work. There are quite a few women who work under me. Our tasks are simple. Assure the royal women are offered safe and sound protection, often acting as maids, house mothers, doing anything, and everything, within our power to make them happy.

We accompany these women wherever we must. At one time, I rushed too and fro, doing the bidding of the extended family, of which the royal household has many. However, that all took an end once Shizuru left the need for a breast behind. Then, she had become affixed with only one guard. Me. It would not matter that Mai, a quite motherly type, often would bestow Shizuru with good graces. Hilarious though it remains, General Armitage is not the best person to hand a baby. Although, I guess you could say the same about me.

How did it happen? Well, that's a bit complicated.  
>It was her expression, both sad and lonely.<br>As a baby, it was her innocence.  
>As a small child, it was that mischievous twinkle in her eyes.<br>When she first began that awkward phase, it was her constant determination.

Now, the reason is the same. It's the way she looks at me. How she so casually reaches out her hand, hoping that even if she can feel my armor, that I am not a figment of her worst nightmare coming into reality. Shizuru, she is a dreamer. "Are you sure you are ready?" She asks me. Our morning, it is the same as always. She and I are sharing in a beautiful sunrise. I wonder, how often have I lingered here, awaiting her small little form to come rushing up the steps. There were a few times the maids would yell at her, I remember that too. She would hide, clinging into my waist as if I would shield her from their admonishing words, and often hateful gaze. "You do not have to do this." She must know, so I must speak.

Her heart, it longs for only me. That is the only reason I will tell her what she wishes. "As I told you before, I have become acquainted with only a few." I easily lock my inward sorrow, instead my emerald eyes scanning the area keep me busy. "There were not many who would find themselves friendly towards a girl such as myself." The poleaxe on my back was heavy, the only valued trinket worth my time. I didn't often carry it. "A person from a far away place taught me battle. That person also took me in when I no longer had a family. However, besides her, I have never met a soul more worthy of my time than you, Princess." I am truthfully far more interested in the new developments in cannon technology, however they're large, bulky, and do nothing for front line combat.

"The compliment sounds empty." I sighed, she does not believe me. "Do you not agree?"  
>"It is the truth." If only there was some way to grant her sight. "From the day your father took me in, he gave me but one task."<br>"To protect and raise me." I had prayed that my tentative voice spoke more than just answer for her questions.

"In his arms, he held a babe." I spoke calmly before shaking my head and paused. I felt confused. How could I make her understand my words as utter truth. A bold declaration of love was out of the question. "You were that small babe. I was told that for food and shelter as payment, I would be ordered to stand as your personal attendant. From clothing you, seeing your every need be met, I would be your provider. I feel as if I have raised you well, and soon the royal wedding will find itself underway."

"I do not wish a wedding." Now she's making it truly difficult. "I wish that you stay by my side." Gods I love her. If status could be tossed aside, I would not worry so much. However, it is not only the little matter of bloodline. "Please, do not case me aside, like a rag-doll without a home." This is why I'd rather focus on my weapons. They're far less trouble than any human. Trust me when I say without a wavering worry, Shizuru is always trouble. A very welcome one, but one day, she surely will become my greatest demise. I am assured of that.

"I will never leave, Shizuru." I raised her, almost as a mother would. "I will watch you and your family with this blade at my side forever." How could I bed down with her now as a lover would? "When war comes, I vow to annihilate any foe with striking power so great, it would overwhelm any mere army. When you birth your child someday, I will treat it with strong devotion, kindness, and unwavering dedication. You have my word. I will never abandon you."

"Yet, you give me away so easily. Now, as we stand here, I myself a lady in waiting, though I find no need to do so." She is simply mistaken, and I am in the wrong. "You are the one I must wait for, Natsuki. It is a mockery, thinking that I would ever accept Reito. Don't pretend I am a well woman awaiting the day I surpass Father. We both know that lie has no mask." No, it is not a lie, it needs no mask. It is all truth.

"You are a well woman, Shizuru." I say slowly.  
>"Only out of force." She tells me.<br>"One day, you shall surpass your father, it will be you and the man you wed." I must guide her properly.  
>"Women can raise offspring." Now, I find myself eating my words.<br>"For the common people, it is different." She knows it is not unworldly for one woman to love another.

"Only because Father makes such truths so." If she were perhaps two years younger, she'd be stomping her foot indignantly, all the while cursing that man for existing. "You give him aid Natsuki! You allow him to do this to me. As if it is a better fate, you willing place me before Reito, my childhood friend, and the only male besides my relatives that I tolerate. Why must I be forced into a life I do not wish?" I know she is right about that. I did allow this, however, I have only her best interest at heart.

"Together you will unify the kingdom for one more generation, as well as provide for the future." It is that simple, however, spoken as such, it does seem like I've used her as property. She is so far away from such a thing. If only she would understand my dilemma. She is not my child. I have no jurisdiction over her fate. "Shizuru, it is because I care deeply for you, that I would allow Reito near you as the honorable new king." That is the simple answer. "There is no doubt he will father strong sons. You as their mother, would produce daughters with beauty unmatched. I would only be a shadow in comparison. Is it so wrong that you accept him, and his powerful bloodline?" Reito could offer her many things.

"I wish for you." Her voice spoke weakly.  
>"I could never gift you the love you seek." I sighed, also with broken conviction.<br>"I wish your arms, your kiss, your touch." She's speaking like a fool now.  
>"Afterward, no one would condone my sins." A beautiful little fool.<br>"I wish of you, take me to your bed. I would become yours." She would easily become exiled.  
>"When I am forced into hiding?" I could live without the aid of the castle.<br>"Take me with you then." However, I fear Shizuru would not.

"You wish the life of murder, thievery, dirty water, cold nights? You await days with hardly any food in exchange for hours of back breaking work? You pray that you see the unseen? That you know the unknown?" It is infuriatingly stressful, dealing with such a woman as Shizuru. It is not that she asks for impossible things. No, that does not provoke my ire. "Men will grasp at your cloth, ask you to become a mistress in the night." No, instead, it is the truth she sees within my past. She feels as life is a mere paragraph of my travels, however she is poorly mistaken. "Doctors with limited means do not offer tonics and comfort. They offer news of death and decay." Why must this be so hard? "You can't possibly want that."

"I do not know what I want." She answered with a glaring eye outwardly. Atop this fine tower, I am sure she was watching the sky above, searching for an answer. "You do not give me the chance." She says when she turns to look at me. "Father does not care, nor does he believe that I could find happiness elsewhere." Reito is a good man. "No one gives me a chance, and this time, you offer me no protection from what I fear most."

"Shizuru, I raised you perhaps a little too naive." I was grasping at straws. Any male with blue blood would be accepted by her father. Reito was not her only option. "When you were placed into my care, I was but a child myself. Brought up by that of a lonely traveler who battled the harshness of this world. I never knew what caring for a child would be like." She sighed then, seeing the sadness within me. "I'd like to pretend I knew what I was doing, alas, that would be a poorly constructed lie. I gave you the teachings I did, in hopes that you would become a wise adult."

"I was a little girl." She began, her voice trembled in fear. "I had on a yellow sundress. Father called them clothes I could play in, but they were no such thing." Yes, I remember well. They, just like everything else she owned, were lavished with perfection in every stitch. "I was only six when I met him. He is also a great deal older than I. Even back then, I could not compare. He is a dear friend of mine, but I wish he felt the same way about this union."

"He is merely twenty, Shizuru. For years do not make a vastly large difference." Truth be told, She is advanced for her age. Four years is nothing for a girl like her. "Shizuru, listen well. I will go greet the young prince and bring him forth for another visit. I wish that you act with the grace and elegance that you have been taught all of these years. When I return with him, do not speak ill of the wedding, and do not cast him aside. It is merely for the best." I left then, rather rudely I must admit. However, I could not bear another declaration of undying, heartfelt love for one such as I.

It is for the best.

The nearest city was not nearly as big, it's presence dwarfed by the hillsides. This prince was a kind man, and although his riches were nothing more than simple pocket change in comparison with Shizuru's future inheritance. However, where he lacked monetarily, he gained by reputation. That's why, despite his royal birth, he did not live in a lavished luxury. The streets here, they aren't paved in stone. You'd be lucky if you could find a path dry and sandy, instead of muddy and rocky. He was a man of his people, and for his people, although, it was often speculated that his commoners smile was simply a ruse. I'm not quite so sure that is indeed the case.

Today, thankfully for the people of the land, he is dressed as a prince should be. With fine silks, and leathers adorning his form, he is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. His smile shines, and his hands, although lightly calloused, are still perfectly manicured. Any imperfections are currently hidden under snow white gloves. It suits him. He also brought with him traveling company, although that is expected.

"Shall we begin our travels?" I ask one of the knights accompanying him.  
>"I do believe it would be best." The tall can of tin says.<br>"Then please, allow me to escort you." I see not why the prince has an elaborate escort.  
>"There is no need for that." I hear a voice say. "I will follow you on my own."<p>

"But, sir, that is not the proper way." The guard protests with great unease. "We must take you ourselves, and assure you a safe arrival." He's better at swordplay than most will ever fully understand. "You are a prince, and this is the customary way of life." Unlike most royalty who know little more than emasculate perfection, Reito is rather new money. Only a third generation in his bloodline. He was not chosen for Shizuru for his wealth, or his family history. He was chosen for his kindness, and his compassion. Her father wished the best for Shizuru, and found this man would fit his needs.

"It's alright. Just let him go already." Oh, dash it all. "You know Natsuki be with him. Surely, that is good enough." Nagi... the little swine. I hate him, honestly I do. "I'd much rather study the castle for myself anyway." The kid is Reito's half brother, but also holds an advisory position. I'm not quite sure how the arrangement works, and honestly, I have not a care for it. "Besides, I'm most assured that the Princess, as well as her family, would see our small army as a great injustice, and then my poor brother would be easily overlooked." As if that would ever happen. The guards are dumb enough that they believe it though.

"Actually, Nagi, you must not soon forget your own arrangements." Reito laughed, the smile naturally shining on his face. If he could give Nagi one good reason for staying behind, I'd be so grateful. "There are other matters here at home that you must attend. I shall keep my stay as brief as possible. Until I return, see to it that the citizens remain happy." Then then turned back to his guards, some of the finest I've seen. "I shall make the journey alone. Come fetch me a few days from now, after I've had a proper visit with Shizuru." With that he dismissed his following, Nagi looking more pale than usual, a depression in his eyes. I, for one, found delight in his dismay.

Reito saddled upon his stallion with the perfection of any warrior, and even the short sword at his side, engraved elaborately with his family crest, reflected the sun's light better than any mirror I'd seen. "You've aged well since last we met, your highness." Without much rush, we made our was back. I knew that although he didn't look it, he mentally urged us faster, in hopes of seeing Shizuru sooner. "You look much more like your bloodline when you are not acting like that of a farmhand. It suits you, dressed as you are now."

"I'm pleased you think so." He nodded. "I take it Shizuru is well? It's been a few weeks since I've received a letter, or any of her messengers. I grew worried that she had fallen ill." My eyes caught his, and for a moment, I felt as if I was leading him astray. I could not betray Shizuru. I could not hurt her in such a way. It was with that I chose silence. He could not receive any clear answer, at least, not from me.

"The princess is awaiting your arrival. Surely, all doubt will fall away from her heart, and yours, when you gaze upon the one you love." I told him. If it had been any other person, I would have gifted him poison...but Reito, he was a wonderful man. "You two..." My mouth was dry. I could admit it, but could I accept it? Nay. I doubt I could. "You are both very special people. However, Shizuru is a soft woman. Yes, she is quite the catch, however, I do hope your intentions are most noble."

"Why wouldn't they be?" His voice sounded almost confused.  
>"That, I do not know." As if anyone would even question the beauty of Shizuru.<br>"We are promised, I would not lay one finger on a woman to become my wife." Though I do not speak it aloud, know just how tempting she can be.  
>"I also have made a promise." I say in all my sincerity. "That I would never force anything upon her."<br>"Nor would I, Natsuki." It was as if he dismissed my tone, as if it was not a warning.

"I will protect her, always. No matter who it may be." I continued, hoping he would catch my drift. "My sword, the wrath of my hand, shall never allow harm to come for the princess. I will slay her enemies, and ward off her fears. One fear, one insecurity she has right now, is her future marriage with you. I think you to be a good man. One who will gift her more happiness than the wealth her family has. She needs more than that in her life. I dearly wish that you be the one." I saw the castle in the distance. We were approaching the gates. "However, if you can not calm her heart, and stave her worries, I ask that you step away from such a task, before someone gets hurt."

"Is that a threat, or merely sound advise?" He asked me, as if I didn't just threaten his life.  
>"It is no more than a promise." I told him simply. "Take care of Shizuru, that is all I beg you to do."<br>"I will do so." He nodded, seeing the worry in my eyes. "I give you my word."

I had to trust him. Shizuru was still standing where I had left her. Her beauty was even more brilliant than before, her pose atop the watchtower almost as if she were a statue. Within an instant, she disappeared, no doubt, she would don in a better dress, and tell her father of our arrival. With measured breaths, and clenched fist, I held the horse's reins with a grip so strong, the leather crinkled under my hand. Butterflies danced inside me, and I realized, for not the first time, the beauty of the place I worked in. I didn't own these waterfalls, valleys, or mountaintops. The only thing I did, was battle war fronts, and protect an innocent little princess...who, I must admit, wasn't quite so little any more. Where had the time gone? If I could figure that out, I'm sure I could figure out the budding feelings that grew inside of me.

How did they change...  
>A better question, why?<p>

Shizuru, if I knew this would happen, I would have fled, long ago. I would have dashed into the distance without a warning or a goodbye. You would have never known me. You would have grown up happy. This life, it is your life, Shizuru. Please, make choices that will make you happy. If I could say such a thing, I would.

If only, I could...

* * *

><p>-More later-<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Alright, so I'd fallen off of the face of the earth for a while. Here we go with updates once again. Sorry for those of you who waited for another chapter for so very long. Hopefully I won't have to fall off the face of the earth like that any more.

Reito, he is a fine boy. In his younger years, he gifted Shizuru happiness simply with silly antics. Pranks though harmless, pestered many a guard. For a well woman like Shizuru, a girl who at the time knew nothing of actual childhood, he brought light into her dreary world. As a young man, a prince of his people, he knows well of hardships, he faces them head on. A swordsman, many scars donning his arms and legs. It makes him no less a man, but perhaps all the more a future king. He would defend these lands tooth and nail, and many who know little of battle, would follow him headlong into the fires of destruction and oceans of blood.

"These are troubled times."  
>I would always tell the Shizuru as a young girl.<br>"It would not due for you to be placed in danger. This very castle is riddled with the bait needed for war, and it has the prize fit for anyone gone into madness."  
>Still, I state again, I am no mere guard.<br>"This is why, Shizuru, you must stay safe. Do not venture off alone."  
>I did my best to lecture her with love and kindness, unlike her teachers.<p>

I am not merely a protector of a princess, I am a symbol of power within any darkened night. There are thousands of women who seek a role of freedom, one which I have. They yearn for choices beyond compare, and the ability to become their own person. The dangers are something that ring in my mind. My lectures reality, and also great annoyances at best.

As I watch this young woman entertaining her guest, I see little more than the past at my feet. Not much has changed. Reito is indeed fond of her, however, I know he is not going along with this arrangement for love. For him, it is most likely status. His heart may wish her happiness, I do not doubt that. However, it pains me greatly, seeing her as joyous as she is. I will protect her, but he, he could likely offer her the world. This love must heal, and my soul must seek other places of refuge. It is unwise, letting Shizuru hold it within her palm. I fear, I will eventually break, should I allow this insanity to continue.

A lough sigh pierces my personal space. One both indignant, and unwelcome. "She would almost prefer being poor, a beggar." I wonder what unfounded truth is going to spill forth from her mouth this time. "Filthy prince can't hold down his own boarders, let alone protect a place as vast as this." The blond general before me is an old war hero, one who wouldn't dare retire. Not with her own priorities so close within these walls. "It would be wrong assuming Shizuru would want this. He is no more than a friend."

"That may be so, Haruka." Agreeing is the best thing to do in a time like this. "However, even you can see the women deserve happiness at the expense of all else." Haruka is a brash person, one who spits idiocy and claims it as logic. Still, for all of her bluster, and she has much of it, her heart is true, her promises worth more than gold. "Reito has no enemies." I tell her slowly, refusing to gaze ahead of me. "Those that he will make, are of no consequence. For long ages, even before your birth, this place was a haven. That was because of your mother and father, and their parents before them. No single king can deny his people protection of the ages. We gift them the power they seek."

"Yeah." Haruka answers me lamely, her own sadness seeping through. "It's not fair you know." Her anger is far less restrained, her words sharp like her sword. "Yukino would hate this. I'd never allow it." Her hand braces her sword's hilt, and honestly, I wonder if Haruka feels just as deeply wounded as I do. "I would take her away, far from here. I would not see her go off and sleep with any man." I rub my temple. Her fury is causing my head great discomfort. "You must be an immoral swine if you'll willingly stand idly by."

"She is Shizuru's cousin, and like it or not, Haruka, Yukino is next in line." The girl was quiet, and often mild mannered. Yukino is self sufficient, and far older than the princess. However, she is without noble birth or blood. Adoption gave her a home here, and with any luck, she will find a family of worth, although any man, with any name, would do. She is not the main concern of this family. In truth, Haruka has little she must fear. I would not give her the satisfaction, Haruka needs no comfort from me, she understands little of my role. "We should not stick our noses into matters that concerns others. We have other far more important dealings."

"You mean, word from the north." Mai sighed also standing at my side. "Yes, it does trouble the king greatly. Of all the nerve that woman has, even questioning Shizuru's hand in marriage...it is even more deranged, that he ponders the thought of accepting the offer." Mather hen, that's all this woman is. A simple maid at best, she is no fighter. Should she be faced with a villain, she would lay down her life. However, that is not her true meaning. No, her calling lays before her already.

Mai must have gone mad, this is simply a joke. "He's a joker on a stage, nothing more." I tell Mai. "The king detests women joining in union. You know how he feels about women having power over a household. It simply should not happen." I think the king has ways that are noble, and sadly old fashioned. "It is his fondest wish that Shizuru have a family. She cannot do that with any woman. In his eyes, those clouded with age and tradition, no woman will do." I shook my head, the mere thought a gag at best. "It were to be as if you were to wed Mikoto..." It would never happen in this kingdom.

"Ew, gross." Mai snapped back at me quietly. "She's Reito's little sister, and a child no less! You're growing mold in your head or something. Such filth Natsuki." Constantly she admonishes the guards who protect this castle. We can see it though, Mai does care deeply for the girl. For the small amount it's worth, Mikoto isn't all that much younger than Shizuru or Reito. Soon, the girl will no longer be so, and among many, she will be fair game.

I laugh. " A child..." I repeat mockingly, "That, Mikoto is, however she is not so little either, Mai. Like it or not, after the royal wedding, she will be your responsibility."

"How do you know that?" Haruka looked at me, a twinkle of confusion in her eyes.

"She will be coming with the prince." I say with a soft smile. "Mai has been ordered to do for Mikoto, as I do for Shizuru."

"Yes, I know. I'll do my task without fail." Mai sighed, greatly perturbed that the topic was still on her. Haruka and I merely watched in amusement as she quickly diverted into a different route. Something much more sinister, and highly unspoken. "You easily forget your tasks, both of you. Mikoto is not the matter at hand. Shizuru's wedding is. If she were to have relations with anyone other than Reito, it would be a terrible thing. She would hate it." Swooning over a perfect prince, that's what Mai wished in her life. Instead, she got the life of duty, and honor.

"Our freedom comes with a price." I say. It also comes with a territory, but I would never speak that in front of Mai. She's simplistic, and my mind is not far off from such impossible wishes. She and I, we are not so different in the grand scheme. "Shizuru will wed Reito, merely because I know he will offer what no one else can. No woman will give her the freedom he will. His allowances, his kindness, will give her much needed space. She is a bird in her own ways, and she needs the space so she can fly." I may have been whimsical, but I care not. Both of my sisters in arms nodded, they were like family for me. Moronic, annoying, and sometimes overtly pushy...family...

It was Mai, who decided to burst my happy little bubble with a truth I'd rather not think about. "However, she would not be the first woman to cross such a dark path." That part, at the very least had been true. Rumors fluttered the halls of the barracks. We have a few female warriors who seemingly found euphoria in forbidden places. These guards were ones that were, well let me simply say, I do not find these women to be smart. One day, they'll be hung for their ludicrous actions. Common sense for common blood, it is a pity some do not have it.

"Don't remind me." Haruka growled quietly. "I should stick my sword up Nao's ass for hitting on the royalty around here." I completely agree with the sentiment, I honestly do. While Haruka, the brigadier general, captain of breaking things, drives me crazy on any giving day, Nao isn't really any better. I'd rather not think about her, nor do I wish to ponder any more of this forbidden love. With little more than a blink of an eye, I storm out of the entrance hall and down a long narrow corridor. Only one golden handle keeps me from entering into the King's domicile, his throne room.

There isn't anything I could give him, nothing would be worth Shizuru's hand. If she can not be mine, she must be Reito's. I will not tolerate anyone else. With that, my feelings are set in stone, and with great vigor, and pressed restraint, I respectfully enter the throne room. His Majesty is one who has sired many children from many wives, he is a flirt, and among his family bloodline, women seem to come in spades. Males are fleeting, and he himself has no son. However, Shizuru is the only royal heir. Her sisters, are countless, I've no idea how many there are, however none of them could ever carry her title. She is the first born, after all.

I bow before the portly man, who's eaten more riches than I care to explain. Prime cuts of meat, only the best of wines, the most beautiful bedfellows, only items of immaculate perfection grace his presence. He does not remember what suffering is, although his forefathers were once suffering men who faced hardships daily. "Sir, it is an honor." I bow as I say this, kneeling at his greatness. It has all gone into his troubled mind. I will not say that, but truth is also sour in my mouth. I have little I must hate him for, he gave me the world. "I would like very much, that I uphold that honor."

"What is it." He began exasperatedly. "You've not come to kiss my feet, nor my arse. Stand and make your burden known." He knows me well by now. No, I would not kiss anything upon him. The man is wealthy, and full of clout. Not the wisest man of all the land, but surely he is a king worthy of notice. He commands such a thing easily, although, if one were honest, it is not exactly valor people speak of. "I've not all day. I must speak with the young lad who is courting my daughter." Often, our king is indignant, and ill pressed for games.

"Word has come from the bordering nations." I told him. "This is what I've been told. It seems a princess has eyes for your daughter. As Princess Shizuru's personal guard and attendant, it would be only right if it were I, who saw to these matters." It is difficult, dealing with a man such as he, although, I dislike the ideal of leaving Shizuru here alone. "It would do best for me, seeking some fresh air, and humbled quarters. My stay would be brief, I would only deliver your personal word, and nothing more." My assurance comes swiftly, and I know he sees a lie in the making.

He mulls it over and sighs with great contempt. "I have no need for such a thing, however admirable the offering is." He forces himself into standing, his walking stick, one made of only the finest metals, holds his ailing body up and his personal attendants stand at his sides. With a nod of his head he offers his permission to touch him, something that does not happen as often as it should. "I am not long for departure from this world." He says, we all know it is true. The reign of his hand over the lands will surely fall, I know that truth well by now. "When I am gone, Shizuru will be the successor of everything, however she is a woman, unable to lead my lands on her voice alone. There must be a man, one like that lad. Yes, one such as he should be by her side. You, of course, shall forever be her guardian in times of unrest. I've no more worries. All is set."

"Yes, Sir." There isn't really much more I can say to that...

"Take me to Reito, and serve us a feast!" The king laughs, Shizuru's father enjoys becoming a lush on occasion, he likely plans to drink himself into stupor again, and if he plans to do so, brandy shall be his choice tonight. "A drink among men, shall occur tonight! Natsuki, you are welcomed among royalty this night, please do attend." It is an odd request of him. Never do I share a drink. I hardly even sit at the dinning room table. It is rare that I do, and only at Shizuru's vehement requests.

"And what of the princess?" I ask him, following his lead, as is expected of my form. "She is my sole responsibility."

"Shizuru shall be accompanied by the other women, and although you are not always welcomed among my men, tonight, you must witness greatness. It would not due if you missed the words spoken among those of high standing." I nod at that, agreeing to my fate. It is all I can do anymore. All I should ever do in the first place. Dinner, like every night, was served in the expansive dinning hall. One far larger than it needs to be, in my personal opinion. This room could easily place seats for all of the upper brass in the army, no small feat by any standards. The men sat directly across from the women, Shizuru's father took his place at the end of the table, gazing down the line of family, most of whom will forever be ignored, albeit at his own benefit.

Dinner was the longest, and most annoying meal in a day for Shizuru, who kept merriment as close as she could. Sometimes, it slipped her grasp for a moment. A simple girl like her wishes dearly to abandon this life, one where she is forced into becoming a trinket. The marriage was the topic, from great cheers of joy, and whispered hatred, I sat holding Shizuru's hand under the table. Soon, it was time for the men to leave, they never lingered after finishing their meals. The women would observe after meal tea, and spend long hours gossiping, it was normal, and tortuously slow on my mind every night. For Shizuru, it was the same.

"I am to go with the men tonight." I tell Shizuru softly as I tie her corset. I have duties to her, before meeting up with the men. "Haruka will be your attendant tonight, so please, enjoy her company." My voice is pleading, wishing for Shizuru to forgive me. "I know you will enjoy Yukino's."

"The general is brash, but I often find her amusing." I roll my eyes, of course she would. "Tonight will be most entertaining." She smiles at me as she places on her dress.

"Do not send her into a tizzy, please." I beg, knowing full well that Shizuru often harasses Haruka. "She is a meager mind, and I would like it very much if you didn't provoke her ire."

"It wouldn't due for me." Shizuru nodded. "I won't do anything improper, I promise. Return to my room tonight, please. I do not wish to sleep alone, today has been long, and I would very much like the comfort of your arms." I nod, although I don't want to agree. Shizuru shouldn't be coddled by someone like me anymore. I'm an unworthy woman, she must understand this. "I highly doubt that the general could deal with any more of my flirting anyway."

"Well, she is a lout after all." I smile softly, taking in her beautiful appearance. "She doesn't much care for things of that nature." Shizuru chose a purple dress, simple, yet like everything else she owns, elegant. It brings out her eyes, I like that. "Haruka has always been the one to spout off about moral codes of conduct. I don't think she can even begin to realize what a predicament she has caused."

"Oh, of that I am well informed." Shizuru smirked at me, her eyes playfully mysterious, a wondrous sight to behold. "Word around the tea table, is that Yukino has very little to do with it."

"Do you honestly believe that twaddle?" I ask her as I shake my head, the irony hasn't been lost in me, and I know very well Haruka's true feelings. "She has everything to do with it."

"Yes, she does." Shizuru told me, her tone changing instantly. A sad smile perched upon her lips. "She is lucky, you know. She can do anything she wants to do, Yukino has not the same bothers I do." The time was growing near for us to depart ways for the evening. I with the men, and she with the women, a most uncommon situation indeed. "Listen, Natsuki...my father has never been known for his kindness and honor. Why a man like my father, would choose for his daughter a man like Reito...it makes little sense in my mind."

"You are his child, Shizuru." I tell her softly. "He is a king, and you are his daughter, a princess of these lands. You must understand, your life is a very precious thing, and he would only pick the best of men for you. One fitting for his needs. Reito is also the type of man, who will see that you have your own." I grasp the handle of her door, the golden trinket shining at me, without a flaw upon it. "I know you think it unwise, but please Princess, try and understand. There are far worse people out there, than one such as Reito."

I felt as if I was fleeing away from her as I entered the hall and proceeded down the passages until reaching the smoking room. It was a rather dark room, filled with dark woods and animal hides. The decorum something a huntsman would find suitable. I'm not fond of it, but I hardly set inside of this uncharted territory, where only the men reside. There are a few knights already drinking some of the finest liquor they've ever tasted, a far cry from the ales served in the barracks. The king sat in a throne much smaller than the one upon display, a glass of deep liquid shimmering in the dim lights. "General Natsuki, it is a pleasure to see you again."

"Hello, Sergay." I grumble. "The misfortune is mine, I see."

"Oh, don't be that way." He's a good man, for that of a normal daytime patrol. Injuries keep him from commanding the front lines anymore, his sister, Haruka, overtaking his tasks. "Tonight is a night to be rejoicing. The princess will be wed in spectacular form, you of all people should be proud."

"I am." I say, trying to sound pleased, I don't think the joy I tried to fake made it into my voice. "I've raised her well, as best as I could, actually." I try a soft smile, but it simply can't reach my eyes. I love her, my Shizuru. That's why... "It will be difficult to let her go, I've been watching over her for a long time, you know."

"The princess trusts your judgment." Sergay tome me, with merriment strewn across his face, likely the drink getting to him. I take away his thick goblet of whine and sigh dejectedly. "Are you alright, general Natsuki." He asks me worried, and I simply shake my head.

"My heart flutters with joy beyond compare." I say earnestly. I am very proud of Shizuru. "However, my love for the princess runs deep, and I worry greatly for her happiness. I wish only for the good graces of this marriage, and that she becomes happy." He nodded at that, a few of his companions beckoned him over to the side of the room. He excused himself, and took his leave. I gulped down his wine quickly, a bitter substance with little to fancy about it, and with a shaky hand, placed it upon a nearby table. My eyes peering through the thick clouds of smoke as I look in the direction of the king, seeking his approval to join him. It takes him several moments before he notices me, and in his jovial nature, he invites me to join him.

"I'm pleased you decided to come." He nods at me, already he is tipsy. "There is much we must discuss, and now is the proper time." He placed a trinket on the table between us, and then gulped his drink again, a guard refilling his glass. I am also gifted a glass of the dark, strong, liquor. Brandy, no doubt. With grace, I accept it, although, I don't much care for something so strong. "You see, Natsuki, I have but one final wish, and it is not a task for merely anyone."

The golden broach was fascinating. The studded gems sparkling beautifully. I dare not pick it up, the item is important, I can see it in his eyes. "My late wife." He told me sadly. "This was hers." He sputters as he puts his lips to his cup. "As much as I try and pretend I'm not falling into darkness, the truth is, I am old. I will soon pass on, and, I would like to go with a clear mind and a happy heart." With two fingers, he gently pushed it towards me, a quiet request to pick up this very cherished item. "This isn't something many know about, but my wife was a village girl. A peasant. No one accept for those in this room, know the truth about her. Shizuru, however, must never know."

"Why give me this, why not give it to her?" The king shook his head tiredly, his eyes sunken in, and his lips thinning into a line. I wish I could understand him. "The Princess would likely enjoy having something such as this."

"My daughter seeks to know the truth about many things." He swigged harshly at his drink again before looking at me with somber eyes. "She must never know, for her own protection. I entrust the broach to you, so that when Shizuru has a child, you may gift the babe this most precious item. I will be long gone by that time, and the secrets of the past shall be taken with me. However Natsuki, they must live on within you, so that one day, the truth of this family can be passed on, when Shizuru is ready to hear such a tale."

I nod and agree. With the drink flowing freely, and the long night ahead of us, he tells me everything...everything Shizuru would never know, until it was to late.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The double space is driving me cray, I keep fixing it, it still keeps acting like a pain in the butt, so I've given up for now. Anyway, this is to make up for all the lost time. I hope you enjoy it. Please, read and review.

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><p>Time progresses quickly when you have not the time, nor the space to ponder things like I do. My eyes have watched three seasons pass, three changes in the air, and three radical ideals. It only took three seasons for my world to change, and my heart to finally understand the ebb and flow of life and love.<p>

It was late in summer when the wedding actually took place, although, in all honesty, neither Reito, or Shizuru felt any joy from their marriage. They maintained appearances rather well, Shizuru's smiles seemed real for those of the town. Though young, Shizuru was not blind to the realities. It was either Reito, or the female queen of the north, Tomoe. The bitter queen was obsessive, and known for harboring criminals in her city. Her bloodline was crass, and although Shizuru seemed to prefer women, we all knew she would have been dropped into a pit of despair in Tomoe's arms.

All was not lost for Shizuru. Her marriage gave her more freedom than she had suspected, and in more ways than one. Reito was not a man who enjoyed the company of women often, he was a man of finer tastes, and hard work. He hadn't the time to grace Shizuru with his presence often, and when he did, it was mostly to try and conceive a child. Those nights while rare, still plague Shizuru. She does not love Reito, she loves me. I never understood how much her words meant until her wedding night. He hadn't placed a single hand on her, and told her to go where she desired most.

If it was because of the sadness in her eyes, or her fear of his touch, I still do not know.

On the night she wed Reito, she pressed me to take from her, that which I know I ought never to have taken. Beyond my better morals and objections, I did. It was sinful, the actions I took. Kissing her, as if she were mine. My hands owning her body, stripping them of her finer silks, claiming her on my rickety old bed, as if she were someone of common name. I left on mark on her virgin body, beckoning her into womanhood with my every kiss. I did sinful things that night, horrible, wretched things...it was her request, her pleading order...I just couldn't deny her anymore.

In the heat of the summer nights I taught her how to become a lover, how to touch my body in ways that please me. She was a perfect student, just as she'd always been. It was only after she had become mine in body and spirit, that she allowed Reito to be near her in the same ways. She was hesitant about it at best, but she assures me he is always gentle, careful with her. He knows better than to harm one such as Shizuru. She is a prize to be held gently, like that of the purest of golds. Soft, and true she is worth more than anyone could possibly imagine.

She still comes to my bedside often, especially after she and Reito share in each other. I know it is because she feels guilt. Her heart is torn between what she must do, and what she wishes to do. As a wife, the lease she can give him is respect and gratitude. They remain best friends to this day, because of his allowances of her wishes. Of her many requests, I was involved. At first it was simple little things, like always eating dinner at the table. Then, she insisted my room be right by theirs, so that she could come to me at a mere whim, without the fear of onlookers making statements. Those in the castle raise eyebrows, knowing Reito doesn't keep a stern eye on his wife. If he happens to care, he does not say.

Summer was not the only change, although it was the most popular one. It sung out for all the land, Reito's home now part of our borders. The kingdom has grown, and with it more jobs and homes have been built. His eyes are young and shine brightly for all. His ability to rule over his lands with a gentle hand is welcoming. It is a fresh breath of life, one that everyone needed. He is the type of man to be seen on the street without guards, his pockets are often emptied as he gives to those who have nothing. For a few months, we were so happy, we never imagined it could be fleeting.

In the fall, a cool wind of foreboding settled upon us.

Several new people came to live with us in the fall. Mikoto, a young princess, troublesome and innocent, had become quite the ruckus of the household. Mai tries her best with the girl, but it takes time to become an attendant for a princess, especially one as unruly as the feral girl. Nagi, Reito's half brother has also moved in. He is a twisted boy, I've soon learned. He belittles Shizuru in small ways, questioning her logic, or treating her as her gender. He must think women are incapable of anything. I despise him, and Shizuru loathes his existence. However, family has always been important in times such as this. With the coming of new, old is lost. That is a common rule of life.

Shizuru's father, though still alive, is an ill man who cannot remember who Shizuru is, let alone that he was once a great king of his people. With his frail body becoming weaker by the day, his memories lost upon his whispering breath, we know he is merely a shadow of his former image. Many are pained by his appearance, but he still maintains simple hobbies, if nothing else. He enjoys the drink, and drowns himself in it often. Although he may not know who we are, and must remind him often, his tales are often delightful, his voice no longer weighted by his plight.

His forgetfulness was a blessing, one of few in recent days it seems.

There is strife that calls out beyond our borders, and Reito, the man that he is, left with a handful of troops. He will not wait for word from our army, he will go himself. In his words, "A king is unworthy to be so, if he cannot stand alongside his people." an interesting theory perhaps, however his life is more important than he claims it to be. Shizuru, like any proper wife, worries greatly for her husband. She fears to lose him, and she knows he is a good man. However, every good man forgets himself sooner or later. For him, it is a reckless moral code, still, I can't fault him for it. Life became routine for us, mundane in many ways. Those under the protection of the city walls live ignorant of the events happening outside. We wanted it to be so...

Alas, winter passed with bitter cold truth.

Tomoe's army began sweeping the lands. She wishes to gain control, and her army is great. Reito returned out of necessity, his brother Nagi, kidnapped one dark night. It is the only conclusion we have, although there was no sign of a struggle. Not a drop of blood, nor sounding clashes of swords, nothing to explain his whereabouts. Reito's mind has been plagued with worry since then. If that were not enough, with winter often comes illness, and for many in the village, they will suffer, as they always do. Spring is a while away, yet many count down the days when warmth is easier to come by.

On this day, when even the snow is as hard as stone, I clutch onto my warm furs. My metal armor would rust in this weather, and I find myself shivering at the thought. Leather armor, though not as sturdy, dons my body underneath my thick robe. The village is a beautiful sight, the tops of houses dusted with glistening white, the trees cradling the crystal clear ice. The snow on the ground is banked high along the dusted cobbled streets. Many children are frolicking. The adults attempting to travel to their work in chilly dismay. Everything, except the war, is as it should be.

Then again, some would argue the point. War is also a thing needed within our world, although unsavory at best. At least, that's what a few old heroes of the pastime would say. Still, I can't help but feel as if it's the sour taste in my mouth, the disgustingly tart medicine one would give an infant. It's as if we spoon feed our youth to forget such a thing here, in this safe castle town. Most of the village knows little of the difficulty faced outside the walls. If the king should be commended for one simple thing, it was building a protective deception, one that made everyone happy.

As I sit here now, recalling all that has occurred in recent times, I also clutch a letter in my grasp, sighing deeply at the loss of yet another dear friend. So many have given their lives in devotion to this kingdom, and yet, it seems not enough. "We need more armaments." I tell Haruka, who looks lost within everything. "You can't simply order in more troops without blades to back it up."

"That takes resources, time, and planning." Haruka shook her head. "We don't have all of that, but what we do have, is us."

"I haven't seen the front lines since Shizuru was a mere child. People my age don't belong out there." I say, although, I am as fit to fight as anyone, I suppose. "Besides, we need experienced fighters here, within the city limits, in case invaders come seeking trouble." The castle is a place of refuge, there must be people to stay and protect it.

"The king has gone off to other villages Natsuki. Tomoe's men are powerful." I sneer at that. The woman is a lost cause, at least, that's what I think. Haruka continues with her report, and all the while, I can't help look out the window, perhaps expecting Tomoe's men to come marching in. "She's all but gone mad, and that isn't far off from the stories I hear." She crosses one leg over the other, acting as if she were above me, a leader, a commander, that's always Haruka's frame of mind. "She's slaughtering innocent villages, enslaving them to her whim. Nagi is still nowhere to be found either."

"Her carnage is never ending, isn't it?" I wish I could send Shizuru someplace safe, but there is not a single place for a woman like her to go. "It seems like we've been pinned." I say, more for myself than Haruka, who's sitting across from me. "Alright, what do you propose we do?"

"It's more difficult than that." Haruka held up her hand, and then with eyes of regret, she clenched her fist. "She started making demands last night. She want's Shizuru..." I feel my face drain of blood at that, the implication simply unreal for me. "She sees Shizuru as some sort of prize, and at the expense of Nagi's life." If I had not been sitting, surely I would have collapsed. "Our king's lost hope, as we can expect. Shizuru doesn't want him, and he's always known that. Still, he's taken the time to care about her happiness, something no one else could do."

"I understand." I nod, a frown unbecoming of my feelings. "Tomoe may be of noble blood, but she is also a halfwit." I say in careful contemplation. "There isn't any possible way she would put into perspective what trouble she's stirring." I know that deep within my heart, the only thing I really want to do, is take Shizuru away from here. My gut feeling is telling me that it would be safe for her away from the tall castle walls. "We will fortify the city, do more rotations...that's all we can do for now."

"It isn't safe here anymore." Haruka pressed. "You've got to get her out of here." Clearly she thought the same thing.

"We aren't the rulers of this kingdom, we are merely the people who protect and serve. We do as we are told. Nothing more than that." I shake my head, feeling the guilt smear thickly. "We can't expect Shizuru to leave unless the king wishes it to be done." I say, although it goes against my better judgment. Haruka frowns at me, and I smile at her sadly. "I know what you're going to say..." I begin as I stand, and stretch, feeling my back pop a few times. "However, Shizuru lacks the knowledge she needs for such a choice. It would be safest to have orders from the king first."

"What if he doesn't come back?" I could hear Haruka say it, but my mind had already shut down. I felt like I had been beaten, like a small puppy...one left alone to wade through the muck the rains birthed from dirt. "It's our job to take care of the royalty. It's our job to see them become happy. That's what we live for, Natsuki don't forget that. We need action, and we need it now!"

"It is you." I say, with a shaky voice. "You are the one who makes the declarations fit for who it is that you are, but not everyone is made of blood like yours." I wished there was some way other way to say this, a way not as painful. "You were raised a brat in the barracks. You were playing with the dull swords and daggers ever since you can recall. You know nothing but reaction...it was your mother who stood in your place before you. It was your father who carved you into a woman so strong, she sees not the weaknesses in others!" I felt like I was the one on the warpath, that I was the one falling into madness. "Not all are born of iron blood and freezing steel..." I stormed off then, feeling the letter I held in my hand crinkle under my fury.

I needed to see Shizuru. My heart longed to have her touch, her calming embrace. I had been gone from her side for moments longer than I should have been. With great haste, I went to her room, where she sat, gazing deeply into her vanity. Her eyes were searching mine through the mirror. What she saw, I do not know. Her eyes swirled in worry, she turned to look at me. "You did not have a pleasant visit." She says, reading the despair in my eyes. She knows well that look, one defeated, battered by the frosty winter. "Who was it?" She asks, looking at the letter.

"Do not concern yourself with every person who fights in your honor." I tell her. "They do it in your name, not theirs." I know she would feel guilty if she tried to know everyone. "Haruka and I had words." I say hesitantly, trying to change the subject. "She is worried for your safety, her words were rash, and poorly spoken. It is as if she does not trust my judgment, although you are mine to fret over."

"Haruka means well." Shizuru shrugged at me, her eyes returning to her vanity as she continued preparing to freshen up. "She knows little else. Besides, you know just as well as I do, her words are out of love, devotion to her lineage, dear friendships, our lands, and my people. She can't help but speak haphazardly. It is the way she is."

I watched as Shizuru meticulously brushed her hair. Slowly, I moved forward, gently taking the brush from her. "Indeed..." I sigh, one of calm...of peace for once on this dreary day. "We cannot be like she is. I made a vow, and I shall keep it. That oath is the dearest thing I'd ever spoken, and I promise you, I shall abide by those words until my dying days." Her hair is silky, and shines beautifully in the light. "We will act with caution. However I will do no more than that, I couldn't possibly make risks without permission." There is little more I can do to make it perfect, so I simply kiss her on the cheek as I put her brush down.

"You are sometimes more dutiful than you should be." The woman of my heart says, a small blush upon her face as I attend to her needs. "Reito trusts you." Shizuru tells me that as much as she can. "It is you I love, and Natsuki, he knows. Any choice you make for us, he would see it through. If it were for my safety, you would not need his vocal authority." I pick up her nail polish, and swiftly get to work touching them up. She could do it herself, but I enjoy this time with her. Alone...without the noise and clutter. "If we must, we can leave in a moment's notice. Yukino is considering the same, to ease Haruka's mind."

It is a soft purple color, one that is hardly noticeable. Stunning upon her hands. She is like that of a goddess in my eyes. "We cannot." I say softly, continuing my task. "Shizuru, your people are here, your home, this is it. You have no place else within this world that you belong. I cannot let you leave the only home you've ever had, the only place you rightfully should stay." Why are so many ready to flee away from this place? To commit treason is something I could never do.

"I feel trapped here." She tells me as I place the cap back on the bottle of polish. "The walls close in around me, and I feel as if I can't escape a horrid fate." Though she trembles, if only slightly, she sits prim and proper, as she should. "I wonder why things have had to happen, and I know many lies have been spread, as if to calm the fears of the public eye. I am not a liar, I can't spit slander as easily as others. If leaving this place is truly the only option we have, then I have no choice. I am no coward, but, I am unlike you too, Natsuki. This place is not important to me. It is a cadge, little more."

A cadge...one she was born into. I nod, looking into those eyes, filled with conviction, seeking my embrace. I understand well, how much she hates it here. She hates her noble birth, she wants to be of common blood. Our kingdom will fall if she leaves, she will have forsaken her people, and left our young king to wallow in the shame. The danger of Tomoe would not be lost. In fact, it would be exactly as she wishes, we would exemplify a tediously laid out plain. One we could never escape. I cannot feed into whims, I can't allow fear to overcome me.

With one arm, I embrace Shizuru, it's as if she were a child again, wrapped up in my arms, a protection sound and strong. One arm braces the hilt of my sword, the cold metal at my side proof of the claims I've made. "You have grown well Shizuru, a woman that lights up my life on cold knights. In days, such as this, you give me reasons to breath. You are a most noble woman, a queen, my lover. Yet still, I feel your unease, and I am lost. I wish I could take you away from here, but Shizuru, I know that just isn't the proper way."

"What is the proper way?" She whispers and I quietly shake my head.

"There isn't any right now...but I assure you, I will stand by your side, always." Her eyes beg for me to kiss her. Her lips glittered with rose colored gloss that called to me. She would never have such items if we were to flee the castle. They're soft, velvet, and they press into mine. I sigh into the kiss, I'd like there to be more, however my lustful desires could not have come at a worse time. "I must go into the study." I tell her with regret. "It is urgent, there is something I must do."

"Will you return?" She seems hopeful. I would never keep her waiting if I could avoid it.

"I will meet with you once our feast for the evening is prepared. By then, I assure you my work for the day will be done." I smile seductively, knowing that with the veil of night, I would have new duties to perform. "I will be yours when the sun sets, of this, I assure you."

"It is unkind to leave me alone for that long." She frowns, knowing I'm keeping many things from her. "You are a valiant knight, should you not have been raised better?"

"I was a peasant." I laugh as I turn my back to leave. "I was raised with the hogs, you should be happy I'm not a monger of swine." She looks at me as if I've lost my mind, perhaps I have. I know my heart is no longer mine to govern, it is hers, completely. "I will dine with you this evening my sweet, until then, I bid you farewell." I smirk as I head out the door, hearing her sigh, as if I had had been a jester. It makes me happy, knowing she is so. Still, I have work to attend, work that Haruka rudely interrupted and I enter the large library, in search of a rather thick and dusty tome.

The elderly man, one who had been our king before losing himself, had given me a broach that belonged to Shizuru's mother. He'd also told me where to find important documents, ones that I've not had the chance to look over. It seems her mother was quite a well read woman, one with finer dreams in life, if not simplistic tastes. She was quite the oddity, according to the rumors I'd heard about. It hadn't mattered to me, honestly, but I did write down everything that had been said, even if most of it would prove useless. This book however, the one succeeding to evade my clutches, is of utmost importance.

A family tree would not due this particular record justice. It is in fact a diary, one passed down within the women of the royal family. Written accounts of Shizuru's past lay buried here, along with this broach. _"Natsuki, the reason I speak with you, is because you will understand best, the meaning of those notes."_ He'd rambled that someplace between bottle one, and three of the scotch we'd drank. _"We are a simple world, filled with people who understand nothing of greatness. We like to shrug past the realities of what had been, of what will be."_ It seemed he had a bit much, and was becoming colorful with his story. It seemed a fairytale, one best left untold. A child would never understand, and an adult would never believe it. A wives tale, one told in a pub, yes, that's where a story like this belonged.

Yet, as more and more of my comrades fell ill on the battlefield, it was all I could do, to try and find something, anything on the subject we'd discussed. _"They were magical indeed. They'd fly through the skies as if they had wings, beautiful women who took upon a higher calling. There are eyewitness accounts of such a time, and a place where this technology existed."_ It was truth, yes. However that was a time far away, back before a great war took out all there was to the world. History tells us never to allow such blasphemy to exist again. I don't know much about the old world, or what it had been, such things aren't widely spoken of, and I am no scholar. _"That broach holds power to govern a strong army, one so mighty, a single person can demolish everything in their path."_ I'd never heard of such a thing to have been made, but apparently, he felt it would be important.

I searched for a long time, but I did not see the leather bound book, one with torn pages and a bent spine. He's said it would be warn and withered, yet I saw nothing. He's sputtered about it being hidden in a corner, but I found little more than crumbs from crusts of bread. His last clue, surely inspired by madness, also left me empty handed. As if it would be in a place wet and cloaked by time. Unless he'd hid it in the wine cellar, I doubt I'd ever find the tome I needed. It was depressing, but I could not think of any place else to look, so I gave up on my search.

Powerful warriors, ones who served a master, these people some of the most frightening ever to be spoken about...I shook my head, it was little more than a tale for the light of the moon. Little more, little less than that. However, if something so great could be true...well, I must be getting desperate...deranged even...because something so magical, well, it could never be true. Never at all.

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><p>As much as you may not believe me, this is TBC, and more updates will come as I get my head out of my rear end with all the other stuff I'm doing in my life.<p> 


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